We shall smile and cry,at the same time.The day awaits..
One afternoon, I find myself on a small passage of a hospital-Name unknown.I am with people I am not familiar with.I heard someone tell that Yam was just taken to the same hospital,where I was standing in.It occurred to my subconsciousness that he had already left us physically for this life time.Yet,I rush.I run,as hard as I could, to meet him.
There, he was, in a medical bed, being pulled by doctors, to shift him to another ward. The doctor who studied in the same medical school as I did, was one amongst them. He told me that my brother was alive and that his death was not true.
I saw Yam sleeping peacefully initially. Then all of a sudden, he saw me,standing besides him.He smiled at me first, then he saw my tears.I went near his bed.The bed had its head end to the East and the foot end to the West. i was standing to the right of him.I couldn’t speak. He could see that. He began the conversation with the assurance that he wasn’t dead.He informed me that he had gone to other hospital for treatment.The body that I saw,wrapped wasn’t his.The hospital sent someone else’s body and told that it was his.As we weren’t shown his face or body in Pashupatinath Temple,he asked me to trust him.
I didn’t want to remember the pain when he was all there with me.He then gently held my hands and talked as calmly as he could. ‘I have seen you in a lot of pain after the news of my demise,every moment. All the tears and pain you are going through is immense.I have always trusted your abilities and capabilities,but a lot of agony is what I see now.”, he told.
He continued, ‘Everything is fine,I am always here,besides you.You are all I have,I am all that you have.So, you are wrong to believe that I have left.’ He could sense that this conversation made me sad again.
Like in those days in ICU, he asked me some fruit salad mixed with cucumber. I rushed to bring them for him, because it was so long that I hadn’t fed him, with my own hands.
Suddenly, my eyes were wide open. I forced myself to sleep again so that we could continue our time together.
Rare, yet true, we were together,exactly in the same place where we were before. He ate, I fed,I watched, he smiled. ‘ I don’t want to see you in pain, brother.I want you to believe that all those things I’ve entrusted upon,is what you are capable of.I have no worries for anything as long as you are there-for Home,Family,Francesco and Planet.It is a long process.It will take time, but you shall accomplish all,slowly.I am always with you,like now,holding your hands.’
I was awake again. Could I fall asleep again? No.
Yet, I was extremely happy for our long time and talks. I could feel a lot of positive surge of energies,within.
Days still pass, but nights are silent and lone. I always question Destiny, “Why him? Why Yam? Why so soon? Why?”I shall always question. I always question Yam, “Why did you leave us so early?I need you,return back,not only emotionally, but also physically.I am not able to bear your departure.” I shall always question.
So, have these questioned changed after the dream? Not really. The questions are still the same.
Did the dream lift some pain that was buried deep?
To be honest, it really did.
Will I be able to walk with on those paths that he has shown to me,always? For sure,because he has promised me that he is here with me….With my words and my tears as I write.
Dear Dai, I love you.
‘Please smile! My tears signify my existence in your presence.All I am is, All you are. Lets meet again, in a better place, for a longer period…for the eternity.’
Dr.Yagya Prasad Timalsina 